Relational Gospel Telling

Becoming a Window instead of a Mirror

This is the first of many “one off” articles in response to a Subscriber’s request. If you’d like to request an article topic, please send me a message in Substack.

One of the most ubiquitous feelings in modern-day, western, Christianity, is that churning in our guts when we know two things to be equally true:

1. We should be telling people about Jesus and seeing others come to saving faith in Him.

2. We have no clue how to do that.

Perhaps “no clue” is a tad strong, but that’s how I have often felt. I’ve taken evangelism courses, watched the “best” public evangelists, and I’ve “put everything on the line” in telling people (both publicly and privately) about Jesus.

Still, I feel like I flounder to help others see the wonder and glory of Christ so that they long to follow Him.

What follows are less “authoritative guidance” and more meanderings from someone whose along this journey with you. Please grab your pinch of salt, and follow me.

Relational Evangelism

One (fantastic) turn of phrase that developed over the years is “relational evangelism”. For the purpose of this article, we’ll be focusing on this form of spreading the good news of Jesus. And, to make sure we’re all on the same page, I define relational evangelism as the consistent living out of the Gospel of Jesus to our local community, in both word and deed, for a lifetime.

A Mirror or a Window

When someone is in my living room, I can be either a mirror or a window.

A mirror is someone who simple reflects back the culture of the day. A heterosexual evangelical can easily be a mirror to a transgender agnostic simply be reflecting back the suspicion and defensiveness so common in the world.

What I’m saying is, we can be a mirror of heart-posture, even if not lifestyle.

A window let’s you see through to something else. Right now, I’m sitting beside a window that’s letting the morning sun shine through into my room.

We become a window to the Kingdom of Heaven when we smile at this person in our living room and say “I love you, how can I help you through this?” regardless of their lifestyle and beliefs.

This is the framework of relational evangelism that we need.

Our goal must be to become a window in which the glory of God and His Kingdom can shine through. This will include speaking life and truth, but is not only that. It also involves holy living, and inviting people into our home to be served.

Living Room Discipleship

Relational evangelism is, in its most simplistic form, the willingness to live your life in front of others. In fact, we are all doing this form of evangelism all the time, whether in front of family, coworkers, etc. Simple living our lives is a way of telling others what we believe to be true.

So, relational evangelism for the Kingdom of Heaven begins the moment you and I become citizens of that Kingdom through the confession of faith in the work of Christ through his life, death, burial, and resurrection.

The problem here is two fold.

1. Many believers do not live holy lives, and therefore preach a false gospel (see Romans and both letters to the Corinthians).

2. Christians (especially those with young families) are tempted into isolation and insulation with people who think and act like them.

There is much to say about both of these problems, but today we’ll only address Problem 2.

The Desire to Isolate

For many reasons, Christians today have only double-downed on a longstanding trend of creating Christian bubbles for ourselves. This is true for the wider world in general (thanks, social media) and Christians have done no different.

This means that many of us only interact with non-Christians when we are in the workplace and at events with extended family (such as that Thanksgiving dinner you’re debating on going to because so and so will be there).

There are a number of reasons why, as believers, we desire this form of isolations. I’ll address (and maybe counter) them here, then get into the “what we should do to be better relational evangelist” afterward.

The Fear of Moral Corruption

This is especially true for those of us with children.

We live in a time in which we subconsciously feel as if proximity to someone is a moral danger. Consider your neighbor or loved one living a radically different life than Jesus would have, should you have them over for dinner sitting at the table near your malleable son or daughter? What if their way of life plants a seed of destruction in our child, and they grow up to reject Jesus?

Here’s the truth.

The biggest risk to our children not following Jesus, is us not following Jesus. And being a disciple to Jesus means loving your neighbor, including inviting them into your home.

If my young sons were literally following Jesus around my neighborhood, they would certainly interact with, and serve, people who have sinful lifestyles. But they would see those lifestyle through the eyes of Jesus.

When we “protect” our home from the world, we make it into a little Tower of Babel in which we have decided what is “good” and “bad” apart from God. But when we invite people into our home to be loved and served, we turn our home into spaces where the Kingdom of Heaven overlaps with the world, and we get small “Eden”s.

Raise your children in a little Eden.

The Fear of Physical Danger

Someone not being a follower of Jesus does not mean they are a physical danger to you or your child. Still, I understand the fear of “the other” when it comes to our children and the feeling of duty to keeping them safe. My wife and I have both been teachers, and we’ve encountered horror stories of child abuse that have made us desire to be parents who always have eyes on our children.

But remember, no one makes godly decisions out of fear (unless it is fear of the Lord).

My wife and I have hosted a Home Church in a small home where everyone is rubbing shoulders with one another. And we had four young children. We’ve had many moments of fearing for the safety of our children, but the right answer was never to “keep people out”.

We set firm and loving ground rules (no adults in the kid’s room), had awkward conversations (“Hey, I’m not okay with you picking up my son”) and much more. It’s been awkward and difficult.

But difficult doesn’t mean “wrong”. Usually the opposite, in fact.

Remember, you are ultimately a terrible protector of your family. The 9mm and deadbolt aren’t really what’s protecting you kids. As for me and my home, the God of the Universe oversees us every day and every night. Whatever comes upon us, must first pass through His hands.

I know I believe that because I live it.

That doesn’t negate my responsibility to protect my kids, it simply puts that responsibility in perspective with the Kingdom and not the world.

So… what do I actually do?

Okay, you have invited people into your home (or maybe out to lunch, coffee, etc.).

Now what?

Ask Questions

There is nothing like curiosity. Simply being curious about the person before you is a way of saying “I love you”. And if they know you love them, they may well believe God loves them too.

Quick Tip: Don’t ask how their day was. Instead, ask deeper questions, like “What brought you the most joy recently?” or “What are you most excited about?” or “So, what’s your life story?”

Then… listen.

Don’t Try to Slam Jesus Into Everything

If you are a follower of Jesus, discipled to Him and living as best you can for Him… Jesus is already there. Be at peace and love well.

Live your life before people, be a safe place for them, and God will open a door.

For my wife and I, people in our home often comment on our children. They often say, “your children are so nice” or “they’re so well behaved” and such. It’s awesome and makes me feel like a proud dad.

It’s also a great open door to chat about Jesus. We talk about how we just try to model the life of Christ to our kids and how we depend upon God’s help. It isn’t forcing Jesus into the conversation because I’m simply elaborating on something these guests in my home pointed out.

And it (sometimes) leads to follow up conversations.

Be Simple and Bold

Occasionally, after I’ve listened to someone for awhile, I know it’s the right thing to share the gospel directly. It’s not often, and rarely do I feel compelled the first time I speak with someone.

It’s often when they are opening up about something really hard after a dozen other conversations.

I have no prepared speech. No “gospel in 2 minutes” or whatever. Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John needed whole books to tell the Gospel. You need your whole life.

I share what’s relevant to the moment, usually fumbling and just processing out loud. It’s raw, authentic, and (when I’m at my most Spirit-led) utterly lacking self-consciousness (i.e. I’m not concerned with what they think of me).

Almost always, I’ve planted a seed for someone else to water and harvest later.

Occasionally, I’m coming upon someone whose had that seed planted, watered, and I am used to harvest.

A Quick (and Final) Note

Pay attention to those in your life ready for harvest.

For me, I have people in my life I really want to know the Lord. Siblings and long time friends who I would, very literally, exchange my salvation for. I would go to Hell if only they would follow Jesus and enter eternal life.

My heart yearns for them desperately.

Because of that, I may become hyper-focused in my time and prayer life on these people. And I may miss the people right before me that are ready to hear the Gospel through my words and life.

Pray desperately for everyone on your heart. Chase these people down in your prayers. But keep your eyes wide open for neighbors and coworkers who need your time and attention now, while you wait and pray for an open door for these loved ones.

And do not be afraid, for the Lord your God goes with you.

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